No is a complete sentence
Setting boundaries is an extremely important step—perhaps the most important step—in running a successful business and avoiding burnout. According to Prism Health, “Healthy Boundaries are the boundaries that are set to make sure you remain both mentally and emotionally stable.” For me, healthy boundaries mean staying sane and enjoying my career long after the busy season has come and gone. While boundaries are most often psychological or emotional, they can also be physical (insert drunken groomsmen and cousin Eddy, who is also a “photographer”).
So, let’s talk about these so-called boundaries. When do we say yes? How do we say no? And who do these boundaries apply to? The short answers are: When it feels right, firmly and to the point, and quite literally everyone. The long answers are a bit more complicated, so let’s break them down.
When do we say yes? Well, that’s a personal choice, but for me, it became a habit—one that I started regretting and feeling resentful of. I was saying yes so much that I began to burn out, feel resentful toward the people I had said yes to, and, quite frankly, feel very undervalued. Let’s be honest: Who wants to spend money on something if you’re willing to give it away for free, right? But no matter how you look at it, it is never free for you as the provider. CODB (Cost of Doing Business) could be its own blog post, but for now, let’s just say that being a photographer isn’t cheap. Cost aside, your time matters. Say it again with me—YOUR. TIME. MATTERS.
Let’s forget about the hour or two you just spent walking around the location taking pictures. Let’s even forget about the 30 minutes (give or take) it took you to get there and the time it then took you to get home. Forget about the gas and the miles. What about the 3 or 4 hours you’re going to spend culling and editing? What could you have been doing during that time? When I think about what I could be doing in 3 or 4 hours, the possibilities are endless. I could be cleaning my house while my kiddos are at school, watching my favorite Hulu show (self-time is important), making dinner, or completing a project I’ve been meaning to get to. The list goes on and on. Or I could’ve had lunch with a friend or maybe even gotten a much-needed pedicure that would have relaxed me and made me less “edgy” when everyone arrived at home. Either way, that time would have been mine, but now it’s yours until these photos are done.
Is giving up this time okay every once in a while for a good cause or a good friend? Sure—if it feels right and fills your bucket without depleting you in any way. Go for it. Should there be rules about how much or for whom? Not necessarily, but if you regret it in any way or it’s not making you feel good—for the love of all things photogenic—stop it! It’s okay to say no. Which leads me to our next section.
How do you say no? It’s actually quite easy. Ready? Repeat after me… NO. Say it again. NOPE. One more time. NO THANK YOU. Or you could say what my kids say: “NOT TODAY – NOPE ON A ROPE – SORRY.” Not comfortable saying no? You aren’t alone; a lot of people aren’t. And to add insult to injury, the person asking you for free services probably knows that about you and is taking total advantage. So, now what?
First of all, saying no doesn’t have to be negative. I mean, I say no to my kids a million times a day. Well, maybe not a million, but they would probably say close to that. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care or that I don’t love them; it just means that whatever they are asking for doesn’t work for me right then—and that’s okay!
Instead of saying a flat-out no, try saying something like, “I’m really sorry, but that just doesn’t fit into my schedule right now,” or “As much as I’d love to help, I have a strict business policy that I stick to.” Still feeling uncomfortable? Let me ask you a question. Would you walk into your friend’s surgical practice and ask to be treated for free? Or what about your brother-in-law, who is a contractor—would you ask him to build you an addition on your garage for nothing? I’m willing to bet you answered “no” to both of those, and if you didn’t, well, then we have bigger issues with boundaries than this blog post can address.
The bottom line is, if you don’t value yourself, then why should Aunt Susie, who wants free Christmas photos every year, value you? It’s okay to say no, and it’s also okay not to explain yourself. Quite frankly, you shouldn’t need to explain yourself. I was recently asked—or rather, it was assumed I would do—a full family session for free because this is a long-term friend. When I told her the price (with a pretty hefty discount, I might add), she immediately started backing out. She talked about how things had been rough over COVID, how she’d been working less, and even went on to tell me about the contractor she was paying to do work on her home. Instantly, my heart hurt—not because she couldn’t afford to pay me (that’s totally okay), but because at what point did I become so insignificant and unimportant that she never considered that maybe business was tough for me throughout COVID too? Maybe I also have a contractor to hire or bills to pay? I mean, is she asking her contractor for free work and discounts? Why am I any different? Why am I less valued? Whether or not she meant to make me feel this way, she did—and that’s not okay.
Fast forward: She actually hired another photographer to do her family photos (someone I’m assuming she paid). It was a real AH-HA moment for me. I’m not upset in any way that she used someone more affordable to her budget, but I am upset that she was willing to take advantage of me and get free work when she could clearly afford to pay someone else.
So, who do you say yes to, and who do these boundaries apply to? Well, I guess that depends on the number of awkward conversations you want to have. If you set the same rules and boundaries for everyone, then you won’t have to have weird, awkward conversations when your old best friend (three times removed) wants her headshots done for free.
YOU. OWN. A. BUSINESS. You have bills. Your time and skills matter. Stop selling yourself short!
Boundaries aren’t just about free services either. Remember, boundaries are anything that keeps you both mentally and emotionally stable. So, a client texting me at 9 p.m. about something that can absolutely wait until the morning? Not okay either.
Whatever your boundaries are, stay true to how you’re feeling, and stop letting people walk all over you and take advantage of your skills. The most valued individuals are those who value themselves.
